Evolution of Writing Doldrums.

Rare Earth by Ward and Brownlee book coverNothing gets you feeling more insignificant than reading a few books about natural history and evolution. Started off with Wonderful Life by Stephen Jay Gould, am almost finished with Crucible of Creation by Simon Conway Morris, and have started moving on to Rare Earth by Peter D. Ward and Donald Brownlee. The charm of Wonderful Life is that Gould is such a good writer. He’s amusing and entertaining and makes me feel like it’s not such a big deal that we may have never existed at all. Basically, shrug it off and go get a latte.

Conway Morris is a bit drier (and has taken me longer to get through). He apparently used to agree with Gould, then changed his thinking a bit and wrote his book in response. He claims that something man-like would have eventually arisen out of the evolutionary muck of the Burgess Shale. Which would be comforting if I hadn’t read Evolution by Stephen Baxter a few years ago. Another cheerful little book. I like the worlds he describes in the past the best–big flying things and clever dinosaurs with tools. The speculation about the future bummed me out and was a little creepy.  Did not like the rodents herding the elephant-human things. Basically, yes, man would have eventually showed up to the party, had a great time and a couple of stiff drinks, thrown a barstool and made an ass of himself, but then he would have left out the backdoor all sloppy and drunk and no one would care or notice that he’s gone. Which is slightly depressing. Being the self-centered creature I am, I like thinking that consciousness and intelligence was the end-all purpose of evolution. It seems fitting that we are the only species that is actually aware of where we came from and can write books and argue about it. It’s a little trippy to think about. All those silly prokaryotes swimming around for billions of years haven’t had nearly the fun we have. They may have the staying power, but they’re the wallflowers at the party. Worse. They didn’t even bother getting dressed up.

But I know that’s not the way it is. This is not the age of mammals, it’s the age of insects. They outnumber us and are far less fragile. And seem less prone to self-destruction. And it seems fairly certain that rodents will one day rule the world. I know that intelligence is just a little blip in our DNA and doesn’t mean much of anything when faced with atmospheric changes or exploding suns or meteors. Blah, blah, blah. (Although I do hope that Billy Bob Thornton and Bruce Willis are around to save us from the meteors. I mean, honestly. You’re telling me that a species who can create theatrical genius like Armageddon can’t survive a little earth-changing volcanic eruption? It seems unreasonable.)

The point is that it’s hard to write when faced with our inevitable destruction. Absurd, I know. It’s not like it’s imminent. And the whole process of writing is one of those life-affirming, immortality-establishing things. But what does it matter when the rodent-herders rule the world and won’t even appreciate my bons mots?

It’s enough to make me want to go get a latte–with extra foam.

 

Collective Nouns

This is amazing to me. And officially one of my new favorite things. I was reading my book aloud to a friend and she suddenly stopped me and questioned my use of “a herd of ostriches.” A herd of ostriches didn’t sound right to her. “Shouldn’t it be a flock of ostriches?” she asked. And, always grateful to use an excuse to do research and not write, I went online. And after finding all of these fabulous websites about collective nouns, I’ve discovered that no, it’s definitely a herd of ostriches. They’re only a flock when you refer to them as birds–if that opportunity ever comes up. (One site actually went so far as to call them a pride, but I don’t think I go for that.)

I found three sites to be the most useful. The first is a UK site that seems to be the most serious. Although even they have the “Some That Might Be” section which is a little quirky and funny. The second is a Wikipedia site, and since we all know how I feel about Wikipedia… It’s all right, just not as entertaining as could be because I have misplaced prejudices against it. The site AllSorts.org is the best. All Sorts – a linguistic experiment. You can follow them on Twitter and everyone posts their own ideas to the website. Brilliant! And so fun–all of the random entries are there. “A clot of vampires,” “a brace of dentists,” “a whorde of prostitutes” (just FYI, “whorde” is defined as “an angry mob of slutty chicks… can be seen at shitty concerts or @ a party watching Gilmore Girls” in the Urban Dictionary)….some of them put the old favorite “a murder of crows” to shame.

My absolute favorite, however, and one I’ve never been able to find since, is “a something of models.” Online I found “a bulimia of models,” “a tantrum of models,” “a slouch of models,” but none of those are it (although “slouch of models” is pretty good). It was perfect and I wish I could find it again. Some friends and I were discussing it one day and I’m sure it was in a book. And I think the book was An Exaltation of Larks by James Lipton, but I can’t remember for sure… So frustrating. Although there is another book that looks interesting–A Crash of Rhinoceroses: A Dictionary of Collective Nouns by Rex Collings. It’s written by a British author, however, so I can’t imagine that was the book we would have been discussing. Lipton first wrote his book back in the 60’s or 70’s, and this edition is the updated “ultimate” edition published in 1993. It seems Collings’ book is also published in 1993, so I wonder if one prompted the other? I suppose I’ll just have to read the books myself. Sigh… Yet another excuse to not get writing done. It’s a disease, I tell you…

 

Collective Nouns

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An Exaltation of Larks by James Lipton

Literary Arts Has a New Season of Portland Arts & Lectures!

I really love this series. How fantastic is it to live in a town like Portland and have this kind of lecture series offered up? It’s nearly as good as living in New York City, only without the traffic. Literary Arts – Portland Arts & Lectures.

I was lucky enough to see a lecture from Stephen Jay Gould before he died, and Grace Paley (also before she died…) and Billy Collins… Collins is amazing. And funny. It was really nice to see a poet who didn’t take himself too seriously. Honestly, a poet laureate who writes funny poems? Who has ever heard of that?

One year I went to see Ira Glass…such a crush on him. At the little meet and greet they held afterwards, I was busy stuffing my face with appetizers and macaroons (I was very excited about the macaroons…). When he entered the room to much applause, I happened to be right in his path. Thrust out my hand to shake his and tell him how wonderful and brilliant and funny he is, and ended up spewing macaroon crumbs all over him.

The 2010 season has Ursula K. LeGuin and Margaret Atwood for the opening act, and then they finish it off with Art Spiegelman. It’s fantastic. I mean, have you ever read The Wild Party? Totally worthwhile.

As soon as I get a bunch of money from selling my fabulous novel, I’m buying a Patron Subscription and going to all of them, even if I haven’t read the book or don’t like the author.