Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Honestly.

Anything that combines a trashy romance novel cover with my absolute favorite commercial of all time? I can’t speak I’m so moved. And to think one of my dearest friends thought to share this with me. I’m so blessed. And I will be reading more of this website on a daily basis.

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books | Caption That Cover: The Winner.

You have to know the Old Spice commercial first, naturally…

And now you’re ready for the winning caption. Of course I’ve got it right here for you, too…

“Hello, ladies, look at your man’s dick, now back to my dick, now back at your man’s dick, now back to my dick. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using leather belts and switched to rope belts, he could look like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on an island with the man that looks like he’s peeing in the ocean. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a romance novel with a decent cover. Look again, the swirlies are arriving. Anything is possible when your man farts magical swirlies and not black miasma. I’m hung like a horse.”Morphidae

Does this entry count as worthy enough to be filed under the category “Writing”? It does. And also under “Other Writers”. It’s that good.


The Glorious Thing That is Steampunk

Does it deserve to be capitalized? I think so.

Clockwork Heart by Dru PagliassottiAll of my reading these past few weeks (when it’s not the New Yorker…) has been consumed with Steampunk. I adore it. Really. It’s amazing.

I started with the basics. Steampunk edited by Amy and Jeff Vandermeer and Steampunk Prime edited by Mike Ashley. The Vandermeers also have a second volume called (cleverly enough) Steampunk II: Steampunk Reloaded, but I haven’t started reading it yet. The two Vandermeer volumes are more contemporary–they start with stories written in the 70’s and 80’s. Steampunk Prime is a collection of older stories written between 1895 and 1920.

So far I like the older stuff in Steampunk Prime better. It feels genuine (if such a thing can be said about Steampunk). In the first Vandermeer volume the writing seems more contrived…and generally not as good. I’m hoping the Steampunk II volume is better–it has a Clockwork Century story by Cherie Priest in it and I love her.

As far as actual novels go, one of my favorites is The Iron Duke by Meljean Brook. Brilliant. I would definitely recommend it. And steamy and sexy,too–that Iron Duke is a hotty. Her whole concept is fantastic. I totally got caught up in it. Another good one is Clockwork Heart by Dru Pagliassotti. Less of the romance novel feel to it that Brook’s book has, but still a very sweet love story and awesome ideas.

I’ve read more for young adults. The His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman is Steampunk and is amazing, of course. A less famous series is The Bartimeaus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud (which may actually have four books in its trilogy–or I guess they’re calling The Ring of Solomon a prequel).

Maybe not technically Steampunk… Maybe Magicpunk… No. No, I’m making the call.  I’m definitely saying it’s Steampunk.

Whatever. It’s phenomenal. Clever, funny, interesting…downright brilliant… The final ending is a little rough and I was a little hostile towards Stroud for a while, but after thinking about it, he definitely did the right thing. Bartimeaus is the snarkiest djinn you’ll ever meet. He thinks in footnotes. ‘Nuff said.

Cherie Priest is also one of my new favorites. She’s the author of Boneshaker and Dreadnought. She also has a super fun website and blog. Loads of personality and the funny stuff. And she’s a fantastic writer. Just got Dreadnought and I’m saving it for that perfect rainy day when I can snuggle up by the fire and disappear for a while. Just read them. You won’t be sorry.

Another good one is Scott Westerfeld’s Leviathan and Behemoth. (Yep. Same guy who wrote the Uglies Trilogy.) More the rollicking adventure story type that takes place in an alternate version of World War I. If I had to be honest, I would say Priest’s books are more for the girls and Westerfeld’s more for the boys. Not a lot of emotional retrospect and time for thought for Westerfeld’s crew. You had better climb up into your war machine Clanker and get a move on if you want to keep up.

Priest’s books are adventure and action, too, and the story definitely moves along, but you feel like you know the characters a bit better. And she writes all of her characters well–cranky airship pilots, worried mothers, 16-year-old sons… Part of it is certainly deliberate–Westerfeld’s books are definitely for a younger age. His books have amazing drawings and maps that I stare at for a long time. Priest’s map is minimal and the second book doesn’t even have one, which makes me sad. (I adore maps. I flip back and forth between the book and the map all the time trying to figure out exactly where something is. Adore. Them.)

Point is, you can’t go wrong with either one. For some reason the whole Steampunk thing appeals to me. It’s a fabrication, but it’s familiar enough that I don’t feel like I’m swimming through some murky sea of sci-fi or fantasy trying to figure out the dragon’s name or remember just how many arms that creature does have. I appreciate the clever changes and alternate ideas, but basing them in my own world isn’t that difficult because that’s exactly what the author has done. It just works better for me. A fantasy of compromise. Or a compromised fantasy? Hm. Neither of those sounds right, do they?

Cherie Priest also has other books that she’s written, and I’m tempted to try them. But I’ve been burned before on that. Meljean Brook writes vampire/werewolf paranormal romances as well. I tried one of those. Meh. It didn’t even feel like the same author. But Brook also has a short story (“Here There Be Monsters”–it’s in a collection of short stories called Burning Up) set in the same world of The Iron Duke and I loved it. So I’m not willing to risk Priest’s other books just yet. Maybe after I’ve finished Dreadnought and am desperate for something else.

And my favorite feature of all these books? Yes, they’re all available on amazon.com or you can get online to the Multnomah County Library. You’ll have to put some of them on hold because they’re so popular (which is why I didn’t review The Wind-Up Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi–haven’t been able to read it yet because I’m 97 of 112 holds or something ridiculous like that) but it’s the best deal out there.

 


Changing Your WordPress Blog Name

Whatever you want to call it. I thought I would be clever and change the name of my blog from jennysschrader.com/WordPress to jennysschrader.com/blog. There’s that fantastic General Settings page on my WordPress dashboard where I can change it with just some typing and a few clicks, so no problem, right?

Oh…so many problems.

First, there’s the whole sticky wicket of not being able to access my dashboard once I’ve saved the changes, so no way to change it back. Then there’s something to do with permalinks, which can be “pretty” or “ugly” (that one still has me befuddled). And then when I went looking for help, I didn’t realize that you have to do the process differently because my blog is connected with my site name, and that uses WordPress.org, not WordPress.com. Nevertheless, I went for it, changing code willy-nilly and uploading new files (which was also irritating, because it took me a while to figure out that I can change the code right there on the File Manager site, and don’t need to download it to Dreamweaver first). Somehow completely manage to delete both index.php files for the blog and the website itself. Thankfully (because I had downloaded to Dreamweaver) managed to upload the main site index.php from my desktop and figured out that I could just download the WordPress index.php from the WordPress site. Whew!

But wait! There’s more! Now I can access my website, but I still couldn’t access my blog—the site or the dashboard. Back to WordPress.org to do more research and discover the intricacies of phpMyAdmin. Luckily, I have cPanel, so I can access that through there. (Of course, didn’t discover that until after downloading phpMyAdmin and trying to install it–wouldn’t recommend that!) Changed the first problem, still didn’t work, more research, then realized I had to change another problem and…ta da! I’m finally back up and running.

The lesson from all of this? For the love of God, do NOT change anything unless you know what you’re doing! There are even warnings all over the place on the WordPress site. Should have listened… But I didn’t know until I tried to change it on the General Settings page (they made it look so easy there!). But I learned a valuable lesson about how to work with code and the php Admin stuff as well, so I think it was all worth it. And again, completely impressed with WordPress because if you want to do something, then you can. Tons of options. And even if you are an idiot and try something like this, there are other people out there who have screwed up on the same thing and there are forums (where they make you feel a little better about being an idiot) that help you fix it.

So I may try it again when I’m feeling a bit more adventurous. Currently, though, I’m patting myself on the back because I made a mess and fixed it and only wasted an hour or so. Not really worthy of a back pat, but still…

I’m honestly just glad that I’m not the girl who tried to help her friend change the url, got into a complete disaster of a mess, tried like crazy to fix it (I think about 54 posts on that particular topic and most of them were from her), and the poor friend just got frustrated and reinstalled WordPress, which erased everything from the blog.

I wonder if that friendship survived…